Breathe, Smile, Fight, Let Go.

” your situation isn’t UNSAFE. it’s just UNCOMFORTABLE.”

Everyone has a situation that is unique to them. Whether it’s a family history or you’re the first to experience it. Both have their pros and cons. Anxiety. It can be a very nasty word for most people to even think of and I am here to hopefully ease your mind and go through some stories to help. This will be a longer post, but PLEASE, stick with me.

I, myself am affected by more than 1 level of anxiety. Most people are. Some are not and just have 1 they struggle with, as some don’t struggle with any at all. That doesn’t take away from their situation. We’re in this together.

General Anxiety Disorder or GAD+ Depression are the main ones I struggle with myself. I will share a little secret with y’all… I hate vomit. The sound, the smell, the UNKNOWN of possibly getting sick and vomiting myself. Sends me straight into the tunnel of panic. Since I last vomited (which was self induced by alcohol, I haven’t had a drop since.) That situation I can control; I don’t drink. A few years ago, I was so afraid to vomit that I stopped eating. Why? Every time I ate, I thought I would get food poisoning. I lost so much weight, people started to notice. I played it off and thought I was being funny and kept telling people “this is what anxiety gets you!” I wasn’t really kidding but somehow it made me feel better to joke about it. It was one of the most stressful times of my life and it was about a year later I learned that what I was doing, was a “subconscious eating disorder.” That was when it was too much for me to handle alone.

Since then, I am on medication for my anxiety and depression. It has been a true blessing. I have gained weight (probably too much, thank you Pandemic!), and my support system has saved my life.

Now, I know medication isn’t for everyone nor anyone’s first choice. It wasn’t mine either. I fought and struggled for so many years thinking I could control it by myself. I sat in my bubble just hoping and praying it would go away and never come back. Silly me because that’s not how it works. The more i hoped it would just all disappear, the more panic attacks I had and the worse it got. It was physically and mentally draining. It took every ounce of energy and bit from my body. All I did was sleep and I wasn’t bothered by that one bit. Eventually, I told myself that I needed help. Help that I wasn’t going to find alone and I had to be okay with that.

Self-care is huge, cliche but true! Here are some of my personal favorites:

• Scream as loud as you can.
• Go for a drive either alone or with a loved one. (you don’t even have to talk!)
• Take a shower or bath
• Do something mindless (coloring, TV show or movie, a game on your phone)
• Retail therapy (spend some money and buy yourself something nice.)
• Nail or Hair salon (or both!)
• Mental health day because sometimes you just need to.

In case you didn’t know…… your anxiety is lying to you. You have the power to find the loopholes and fight your anxiety. You are worth it and you have the strength to pull through. There’s better days and it’s okay to have bad ones. Don’t hold onto those days because you have more to live.

I fight every single day, and so can you. I promise. If you can’t, let me know. We can fight together. If you need resources, I have them available. If you don’t have anyone to lean on, you have me. If you need a friend or family, I am here. Mental health needs to be talked about more often and normalized. Don’t be ashamed for this does NOT define you or your character. It’s not your fault. It’s only temporary. Love your good and bad days. Fight for yourself. Love yourself.

You can control that.