Hanging on by a thread.

“things end, people change. And you know what? life goes on.”

Unknown

It always seems to be easier said than done when it comes to moving on from toxic relationships or outgrowing them. All relationships are 2-way streets. So when does it become time to stop holding that rope? When you’re drowning more than you’re afloat; that’s when and here is your sign.

Everyone has a different outlook on what a toxic relationship looks like which makes removing yourself a little bit more difficult. Love is blind which is where we ignore those initial red flags. It’s not always someone else’s fault either. Losing connections with other people a lot of times make us take responsibility for our own actions and words.

Toxic relationships are something we allow as humans because we constantly want to help or we have faith in a bigger situation. A few years ago, I found myself constantly defending this man and finding excuses for his behavior. I was helping him cover up his addictions. I thought that’s what you did when you loved someone and I later on realized I was only enabling his narcissistic, manipulative and addictive personality. It took every ounce of me (and a few people to help open my eyes) to walk away and just be done. What made me decide I was ready? Nothing. I wasn’t ready but I knew that if I didn’t cut ties, I would have completely lost myself. I deserved more than that. I owed it to myself to do better.

I took a few steps back to really evaluate all the situations I had dealt with. I had so much trauma and a lot of what I had to deal with was how I can turn negative and emotional responses to the manipulation into a positive. I learned to grow with my mistakes, my let downs, my disappointments but most importantly, I learned to forgive myself.

Outgrowing relationships are beyond difficult to grieve. It’s like a death; except that person is in fact, not dead. That person is very much alive and your paths are just different now. Friendships don’t always end in a tussle. A lot of times unfortunately, they end in unspoken words and one-sided anger. The emotional side of it isn’t sweet, no matter which way you look at it. It can be heartbreaking to know that someone can give up so easily while you hold on so tight. When that happens, your hand is the one that hurts. Your heart is the one getting put through the ringer; as they may sleep like a baby at night.

Losing connections with people you once thought would be apart of your world for a significant amount of time, can leave some footprints on the heart. You may not always realize it right away, but you may still care. Don’t allow your pride to hold that for you. You will never be able to force someone to stay. As hard and unsettling as that may seem, sometimes it is for the best. Everyone crosses paths with us for a reason. It’s either a lesson or a blessing, as cliché as that may sound, it’s the hard truth.

In my experience, whether it’s a friendship or a relationship, it’s work. You have to continue doing your best to get the outcome you want. Now I understand that not everything is reciprocated which has it’s own challenges, but if you feel deep within your soul that friendship or relationship is worth fighting for- give it your all. every single day.

BE KIND but don’t lose yourself in the process.

STAND STRONG but be vulnerable when needed.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT but don’t be deaf to other people.

LOVE YOURSELF but don’t forget to love others.